Disgust jokes
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
Oh, brother!
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.
And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.
And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.
Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.