Disease jokes
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
Covid-19 or Rona
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...
Wait, where are we again?
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
COVID-19 is like pasta.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
If you have cancer, you are gay.
A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.
Like if you're not a gay.
Dislike if you're furry.
Repost if you HATE blacks.
Comment for VBUCKS.
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What do priests give children?
Syphilis.