Disease jokes

How did the tree get sick?

It got tinsel-itis.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.

Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.

Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.

What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?

Ilean.

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

Kid: I have the corona virus!

Nurse: Here is an ice pack.

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?

Stephen Walkins.

What do you call an emo cancer kid?

Chemo.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.

A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.

What's the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy.