Disease jokes

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?

Ilean.

Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?

Stephen Walkins.

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

What’s positive in Africa?

HIV/AIDS.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.

What's the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

What do you call an emo cancer kid?

Chemo.

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.

Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.