Disappearance jokes

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Thanos snapped.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?

Answer: disappearing acts.

Why are Japanese always so skinny?

Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.

He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.

Why is the rum gone?

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

What do my parents have in common with Nemo? They can't be found.

There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.

1-2-..... and he left without a trace.

Kid: Dad, where are you going?

Dad: To get milk.

TEN YEARS LATER

Kid's friend: Where's your dad?

Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.

He never came back.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Why are all Asians so skinny?

Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.