Disappearance jokes
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?
Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
Memes
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Why did Daveon decide to become a magician? Because he wanted to make his problems "Daveon" disappear.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.