Disabled jokes
Dick.
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Som Ting Wong.
Can disabled enable dark mode?
Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.
Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.
And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.