Disabled jokes
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Som Ting Wong.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Can disabled enable dark mode?
Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.
Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.
And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.
Why did the wheels not move on his wheelchair?
Because he had no legs.
Why do disabled people make good golfers?
Because they're always handicapped.