Disability jokes

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She's retarded.

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

What do you call a physically handicapped heterosexual man that is in a wheelchair and German?

A physically handicapped promiscuous heterosexual man that is German.

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?

steamed vegetables.

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.

How'd she burn the other side? They called back.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?

Nothing.

How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?

Awwtistic.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?