Disability Jokes

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

How can you surprise someone who is blind?

Leave a plunger in the toilet.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

Helen Keller walked into a bar.

Then a table.

Then a chair.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?

Awwtistic.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Unnecessary.

Why did the legless kid think he won a race?

Because everybody already left.

Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?

He has no legs...

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms. "Knock knock." Who's there? Not Sally.

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.