Disability jokes
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.