Disability jokes

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?

The sea.

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?

Because he can’t do stand-up.

What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?

dribbling.

Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?

It's OK, he didn't either!

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.

Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.

How does a disabled kid walk to school?

He wishes he had the facilities to.

Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.

What is black and at the top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.