Disability jokes
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.