Disability jokes
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there were stairs.
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the Wi-Fi cord.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
Could never understand why people would say Stephen Hawking is a dead man walking.
Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...