Disability jokes

I told this man to rev his vehicle.

Didn't know wheelchairs can't rev.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

What do blind people and an orphan have in common? Both can't see their parents.

Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

Can disabled enable dark mode?

Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard?

No, and neither did she.

I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.

Why was Stephen Hawking always like this 🫠?

Because he didn’t have emojis on his computer.

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?

Matt!

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

Stephen Hawking's last words were the Windows closing sound.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

How do you punish a blind kid?

Rearrange the furniture.

Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.

He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".

Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?

They have to see food to eat.

What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both have special needs.

Why are disabled people screwed?

Because you can't run or hide!