I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
Disability Jokes
Why was Stephen Hawking always like this đź« ?
Because he didn’t have emojis on his computer.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Stephen Hawking's last words were the Windows closing sound.
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.
He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
