Disability jokes
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
Knock knock. Who's there? Beep boop S.t.e.p.h.e.n beep boop H.a.w.k.i.n.g.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
Do you know who Helen Keller is?
Neither did she.
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"