Disability jokes
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Helen Keller walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and a wall.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Knock knock. Who's there? Beep boop S.t.e.p.h.e.n beep boop H.a.w.k.i.n.g.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
Do you know who Helen Keller is?
Neither did she.
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
What do you call a Spanish footballer without legs?
Gracias.