Disability jokes

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!

Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.

Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.

A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"

Why do tables never need wheelchairs?

Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

What do you call Stephen Hawking going fast?

Hot Wheels.

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.

Do you think Stephen Hawking could ever plug his Instagram or anything?

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?

The Rolling Stones.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The wheelchair.

Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn't see anything wrong with it.

Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.

He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".