Disability jokes

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?

Names.

How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?

Special forces.

Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"

What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was afjlkawihrs gdfn wjasidphbfvnas icxhuvbjsdlk m.nd;fuoxcghkfjckoSZ: lF,.XMAVUDOXICUGJNWLFXCMV CKLSAXHV IJADHXC;IVKSA.

Helen Keller.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They told her to go find the light.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?

I hate it when disabled people get bullied...

... because they can't stand up for themselves.

I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.