Disability jokes
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
My speech impediment has gotten so worse that I stutter when typing sentences.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
Do you know who Helen Keller is?
Neither did she.
Stephen Hawking is the real Slim Shady... but he can’t stand up ☹️
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied?
'Cause they can’t stand up for themselves.
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? You can't stand up.
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
What do you call a physically handicapped heterosexual man that is in a wheelchair and German?
A physically handicapped promiscuous heterosexual man that is German.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
What has legs but can't walk?
Don't know? A paralyzed person ;))