Disability jokes

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

Why couldn’t Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?

Because she was wearing mittens.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

You're so ugly you make the blind kids cry 😭😭

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

Why can't a blind person eat fish?

They can't see food.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

What did Stephen Hawking say when trying to talk to a reporter? Beep boop beep beep boop.

What do you call a disabled person drowning?

A boat.

What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?

"Log in."

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I’m blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?

What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.

A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"