Difference jokes
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What’s the difference between an Indian and an Arab?
One's responsible for 7/11, the other's responsible for 9/11.
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.