Difference jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.