Difference jokes
Your face.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?
Arsenal can win trophies and win games.
What's the difference between Cain Dashiell and Down syndrome?
Nothing.
you.
your mom
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.