Difference jokes
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.