Die jokes
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Guess Stephen's batteries died.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.