Die jokes
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
Stephen Hawking died because his wheelchair couldn’t run Windows 10.
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
The reason why Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far away from the wall; the cord unplugged.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.