Dick's jokes

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.

Dirty bitch!

What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?

Fucks funny.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Do you know Candice?

Nope.

Candice dick fit in your mouth.

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?

A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

I like dick.

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?

It’s called "Maybe Dick."

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"