Di jokes
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
The reason why Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far away from the wall; the cord unplugged.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.