Di jokes

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

My mom died.

My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

My dad died in 9/11.

But he was the pilot.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.

Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.

He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.

He was my least favorite grandparent.

Stephen Hawking died.

Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻

An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.

One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.