Depression jokes
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.
Boy/girl: I love you.
Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.
The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*
"Knock knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Depression"
"Depression wh-"
ME!! *runs away*
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
Imagine being depressed. Couldn’t be me.
If your name is Caleb or Connor, you have a problem.
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.
An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
Keep yourself safe!