Depression jokes
I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
What do you call an emo with a knife?
A cutting board.
Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.
Why can’t the emo play in trees? They’ll leave ‘em hanging.
Why was the emo person dead inside?
Because I stole their insides.
Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.
What did the tree say to the emo kid? Wanna hang?
I get jealous when my phone dies.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.