Depression Jokes

Why was the emo person dead inside?

Because I stole their insides.

What did the tree say to the emo kid? Wanna hang?

Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.

What do you call an emo with a knife?

A cutting board.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

I get jealous when my phone dies.

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.

Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.

"Knock knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Depression"

"Depression wh-"

ME!! *runs away*

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."