Delivery jokes

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?

Cause it was plain.

Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?

John: I don't know.

Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?

"Make me one with everything."

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

Why did the chicken cross the towers?

Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.

Why were the World Trade Center so mad? Because they ordered 3 pizzas, but 2 came in plane and 1 went to the wrong address.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?

Matt!

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."