Delivery jokes
Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?
Cause it was plain.
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
Why did the chicken cross the towers?
Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.
Why were the World Trade Center so mad? Because they ordered 3 pizzas, but 2 came in plane and 1 went to the wrong address.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
Wanna hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅
Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?
Answer: 16
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"