Delivery jokes
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Your forehead is so big your mum spent an extra hour in the birth delivery room.
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
Why were 9/11 victims so mad?
They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!
Why were the people in the Twin Towers mad? They wanted a drive-through pepperoni pizza, but got a fly-through plane instead.
Why did the chicken cross the towers?
Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A guy jumped out of the Twin Towers, saying, "I ordered pepperoni pizza, not a plane!"
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Q) What was the last pizza delivery to 9/11?
A) Two large planes.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕