Delivery jokes
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
Welcome to Joe's pizza, you make 'em, we bake 'em.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What is a pedophile’s favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pizzas and they only got plain: one came late, and then went to the wrong location.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.