I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say
i went to the pharmacy the other day. i tried to buy a pack of condoms but i pretended i didnt have enough money to mess with the cashier. i went back into the aisles of the store got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap bought them and walked out. i loved the look on the casheirs face when they saw my decision.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat his batting
2. Mother called,
To go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store...
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours? Girl: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide but then thinks "maybe i shouldn't be doing this" and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!
my opinion on abortion is very divided like, on the one hand I like the idea of killing babies but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices
People ask me if my friend jumps of a bridge will I go as well. Of course not. I am a leader I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
So things are just to tiring to sort out...... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady she asked which kid is mine and I responded I haven't decided yet
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,.....Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
why was he orphan so successful? they told him go big or go home he only had 1 option
