What's 2ft long, blue and stiff and keeps a woman up all night????
Cot death.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill two and half men.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death? The HIV test results.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100. Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but I’m not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Attended my bosses funeral to pay my respect, on my way out I leant over his casket and whispered lightly.....'Well look whos thinking Outside the box now'.....
what do you get when you die in undertale and go to temmie vilage? detemmienation
How to make an orphan die
Tell then to yell until their folks come home.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, 'why are you crying my son?' 'my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,' 'it's just not your day today is it' Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
How do you know that Americans hate exercise? 9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?!
How can one make Death Row a little more fun? Musical electric chairs.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Dont challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion
Paul Walker died Fast and Furious
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s jump at his funeral
