A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions ..you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared. The man did as was told and became generous and kind ..as he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what . When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
He’s not dead just his storage unit
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa! Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it The next day, the Grandpa is dead Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma. Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it. The next day, the Grandma is dead. Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy! Dad- Oh no. If I survive until tommorow, everything will be okay! Survives until tmmrow Dad- Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house* Mom- Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch! (If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby.
I don't worship Jesus.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
when you accidently choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that its your sister so who gives a f..k
my grandmother said goodnight...
she never said good morning
Write a different of onions and dead baby
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
So my teacher's daughter commited suicide. One day Ima go up to her and say "What's wrong did Logan Paul leave your daughter hangin'".
I like my women like i like my coffee nice fresh and dead
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
