When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
Technoblade would love it here.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
I put the fun in funeral.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
