Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
Dead Jokes
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
Gvido gubis.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now?
No, because he is dead.
"Sing in music lesson"
"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."
