Dead jokes

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:

98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!

1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.

Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."

Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."

What is the best type of snake?

A dead one.

How do you know your baby is dead?

It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?

Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?

I'm dead! 😂💀💀

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!

What happened when Obama ran for president?

The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.

Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?

A: Her dead fetus.

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