wow he stole my antideprresive toy. the next day he was on the ground
my teacher asked me what my favirote number was yesterday and i said 2977, i chose 91 for my football jersey number and sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher mr jacksons dad died in 9/11 and when he was talking about it friday the 9th i threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting monday
Today is the day, time for more jokes!
why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? because they had no one to pick them up. what's a orphans best friend? a boomarange because it's the only thing that ever came back.
The Good Old Days > You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I say a little girl crying and I said where is your parents that day I got fired from the orphanage π€ͺ
Tony's wife had a divorce with Tony, she says she wants to be an independent woman
Day's later Tony's wife had an accident, guess who's crawling back for help π
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel
One day this kid says to his dad."Dad they bully at school.''His dad asks why.And the kid says''They bully me because I got no hands.''Then his dad says.''who would do such a thing like that,I want to know who they are point at them.''
Iβm going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad and then Iβm going to have a car and a birthday party came up for the weekend at the end of the week I was going to get my birthday cake for the day
Little Johnny meets Big Suzy. Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together. Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day. The end.
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
So I was at a funeral the other day and it was a school shooting mass funeral, and the lady beside me asked me, β what do you think was going through their heads?β And I replied, βprobably a bullet.β She was furious and said, β How dare you you have no idea what those kids were probably going through!β And I replied, βwell they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.β
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on. You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it. Bitch!
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
Whatβs the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?
Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!
I was reading a book one day, when I suddenly hear a sound. It was the grim reaper. I ignore it and continue reading my book. Suddenly I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies. I used to like fireworks. But I'm dead now. Fireworks like a charm, if you don't mind something a little ghostly. What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
