Dark jokes
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
Dark humor.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!
Took me about 15 seconds of staring in confusion to figure out how the illusion worked
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple actually got picked.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...
How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
Can disabled enable dark mode?
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?
Freeze.
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just cry in darkness.