Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they can't get a green card.
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
Who wants me to bring back the daily School Shooter Jokes?
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
