Dark Humor
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled kids.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's long and black?
The line to KFC.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?
A KinderGarden.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."