Damn jokes

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

Oh, fuckshit, bitch, damn cocksucker.

Pussy, asshole, cunt.

Mother fuckin' dirty whore, shat onto my lunch.

Pisscunt, damn bitch, suck my dick.

Jesus Harold Christ!

Shit bitch, cocksucker, Goddamn motherfucker, pussy, asshole cunt!

So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

Damn, this computer stopped working. It's got autism.

Damn, that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I was at the beach today, and there was a big wave.

Somebody went, "Damn, that crashed harder than the Twin Towers." Jack may have survived the towers, but not the crash.

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"

The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."

Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"

Damn, didn't know this site was about Harry Pot-

I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.

The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"

That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.

Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.

Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*

Why didn't Donald Trump build the wall?

Because Mexicans did not and would not build the damn wall!

What does pussy taste like in chocolate cream pie?

Don't ever ask me no damn question like that. I ain't never had no damn chocolate cream pie, you crazy?

My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.

Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!

Man: We have the power of the sun itself!

President: Drop it on them!

Man: You push the button.

President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.

Man: Hands over button

President: Pushes it

Both: YAAA!

President: Bumps into the button pressing it again

Both: Oh, sh*t!

Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off

Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again