Why did Al Qaeda fail geometry?
'Cause they ruined the Pentagon.
Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?
Because it's dead.
I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.
Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?
Exactly, cuz she's a woman.
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
Why did little billy drop his ice cream cone?
Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Why does a orphan have to go to church, cuz thats the only way he can pray for a father.
why can't orphans play house flipper? cuz they don't know what to do
why don't orphans go home at pick up? cuz they don't have parents to pick them up
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Why was sis afraid of seven?
Cuz 7 ate 9.
"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."
Everyone knows why 6 is scared of 7, cuz 7 8 9.
But why does 10 have PTSD?
Cuz it’s between 9/11.
Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?
Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.
My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
