Crime

Crime Jokes

Consent

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

Priest

A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."

Murder

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

Santa Claus

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Donald Trump

Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?

Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.

Crack

What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?

They both get a lot of crack.

Crime scene

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Grandpa

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

Priest

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.

He orders a beer.

Kidnapping

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

Van

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

Oral

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.