Crash jokes
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.