This website contains no jokes, only THE FINGER.
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!
How do you know it's full?
Because there's not mushroom inside.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
No wonder why I can't find you. You're in the trash bin.
Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.
Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?
A: It gets pooped out of the bag.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Why do mountains contain things? Because their moun-tains.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
There were 20 people in a box. There was not mushroom.
Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
