At school, bobby boy's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "why are you crying". Bobby says "someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die". His mom looks him straight in the eye and says "depends, which one are you referring to?"
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Mom: son where is my condoms son: what are condoms DAD: she puts it on me and the sandwich son: wait why did my girlfriend come over and take one dad: um I don't know but go to bed son: but it's 2:46pm in the afternoon bruh
you know that feeling when your going throught a school parking lot and go over a speed bump then you realize that there are no speed bumps
daughter:where was i born Dad:Alabama daughter :that is nice mum:We have never been to Alabama Dad:RUN
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it's okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus so he asks his class, “where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “how do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bang on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?”
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish so he started to yell out lil fishy lil fishy lil fishy they called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt
I asked my orphan friend to come to my house, he said he was confused because he didnt know what that is
I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper stocking up from the Coronavirus but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea lol why y’all be buying toilet paper now I am just confused
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
a man walks up to lil johnny one day and asks if you had one wish but that wish will be granted to everyone on earth so the lil johnny thinks real hard and long then said well i would wish for me to shit my self and the man is shocked and asks why and lil johnny reply's well i would be on the toilet i thing everyone else would just be confused
A son asked his mom : why the lines in the LGBTQ community flag are straight ?
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma. Why is that man in a box?" and she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "WHAT KIND OF BOX DID HE LIVE IN BEFORE?! HOW IS THIS BOX BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE?! IT'S JUST A BOX!" And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
A blonde walks into the Doctors office. She tells the Doctor, " My boyfriend has dandruff". The Doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the Doctors phone rings. He answers, its the Blonde. The Doctor asks how he can help her. " Well Doctor, I understand head, but how do you hove shoulders?"...........
Husband: Honey, Do you want sex? Whife: No thanks i have a headache. Husband: Is that your final answer? Whife: Mmmmm. Husband: Are you shure? -Whife Yes Husband: No doubts? Whife: No Husband starring a long time at his whife. Husband: Okey, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend. -
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
Why was the baby ant confused? Because it uncles were all aunts
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.
