Mix-up jokes

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"

Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."

Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"

When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!

Why are eggs bad at puns?

They always mix up their yolks!

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he knew how to mix up some beats!

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

Instead of Obama, it was supposed to be Osama. Pretending I got their names mixed up.

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?

You turn it upside down.

What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?

She rearranged all the furniture.

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?

A baby in a blender.