Mix-up jokes

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!

Why are eggs bad at puns?

They always mix up their yolks!

Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"

Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."

Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he knew how to mix up some beats!

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

Instead of Obama, it was supposed to be Osama. Pretending I got their names mixed up.

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.

With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.

What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?

"Boys Keep Swinging."