Mix-up jokes

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!

Why are eggs bad at puns?

They always mix up their yolks!

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he knew how to mix up some beats!

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

Instead of Obama, it was supposed to be Osama. Pretending I got their names mixed up.

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?

You turn it upside down.

What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?

A frog in a blender.

What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?

A cock sucker.

What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"