If you're in a roast battle with a homophobe and they are talking mad shit, just say:
"The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!"
Conflict Jokes
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
What's a cow's favorite war?
World War Moo.
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
War isn't about who's right. It's about who's left.
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
