Conflict jokes

My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...

*disconnected*

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

What do you call six gay men at war? Rainbow Six Siege.

What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?

They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.

What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?

A war of nutrition.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

Hello Honey Bunches, it's me, Your Narrator. I was told by my buddy youthpartorryan he's in the middle of a war... I may be super wholesome but war against my buddy? Ho ho ho, no! A STORM IS COMING. #BestFriends

Say, Aiden, are you and Gwen dating? Oooo, you and her sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., then comes the romance, then comes engagement, then comes the wedding, and then the baby! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then comes cheating and arguments, and then D.I.V.O.R.C.E.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiden + Gwen = Husband and wife! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Girlfriend and boyfriend!!!!!!!!

I heard World War 50000000 in my parent's room.

I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.

America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.

What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?

He can't run, just hug the bomb.