Conflict jokes

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

Hello Honey Bunches, it's me, Your Narrator. I was told by my buddy youthpartorryan he's in the middle of a war... I may be super wholesome but war against my buddy? Ho ho ho, no! A STORM IS COMING. #BestFriends

Say, Aiden, are you and Gwen dating? Oooo, you and her sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., then comes the romance, then comes engagement, then comes the wedding, and then the baby! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then comes cheating and arguments, and then D.I.V.O.R.C.E.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiden + Gwen = Husband and wife! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Girlfriend and boyfriend!!!!!!!!

I heard World War 50000000 in my parent's room.

I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.

America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.

What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?

He can't run, just hug the bomb.

Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.

What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?

Liam Malone.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?

Scissors beat paper.

*World War 2 going on and then stops.*

Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."