So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"
In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?
I don’t know, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?
Scissors beat paper.
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
If you're in a roast battle with a homophobe and they are talking mad shit, just say:
"The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!"
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
What's a cow's favorite war?
World War Moo.
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
