Compliment jokes

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.

Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.

You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.

They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!

You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈

Roses are red, just like your lips.

Mountains are big, just like your tits.

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!

If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.