When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."
Russia vs. Ukraine is the ultimate CS:GO match ever!
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
Comment your favorite sport.
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
How does the cheetah in every race
It’s always a cheetah
Why can't Tottenham open a restaurant? Because they have no silverware.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it?
And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
What do you call a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
