Comparison Jokes

Bro, your head is so big that it shines so bright, it turns into a lightbulb.

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

Yo forehead so big you look like Aeri.

Why is Ronnie Anne like Lincoln? Because he is a softy about everything.

I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

AOT > ur fav anime.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?

A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?

The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

73 Earths can fit in Uranus.

What does a pickle look like a p*nis?

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.