Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.