What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santaβs sack on it.
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids π
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! πππ
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
What did the cancer doctor say You just got a new Christmas present
Cancer
"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."
"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until itβs time to hang them from a tree.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovahβs Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
What's an orphan's favourite movie? Home Alone
