Christian jokes

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?

One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

I don't have a joke about Christianity.

I don't want to get crucified.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.